Yep. That's exactly what happens.
You two are absolutely going to get that coffee. You have been going to get that coffee for the better part of a presidential term. The coffee does not exist, but the friendship — technically — does.
Mar 13, 2026
The self-checkout machine was supposed to make your life easier. It was supposed to save you time. Instead, it has frozen mid-transaction, is loudly announcing your business to the entire store, and an attendant is walking over with the exact energy of a substitute teacher who has seen it all before.
Mar 13, 2026
You have access to more television than any human being in history. Documentaries, prestige dramas, international films, entire decades of content waiting to be discovered. You are going to watch the same twelve episodes you have already seen five times. You know this. You've accepted it.
Mar 13, 2026
Every single time, you stand in the cereal aisle with the thousand-yard stare of a man who has lost something precious and irreplaceable. You had one job. You did not write it down. You were so sure.
Mar 13, 2026
You were going to be back in twenty minutes. You had a plan. The plan was simple. The plan did not survive contact with reality, a closed parking lot, and a Home Depot the size of a regional airport.
Mar 13, 2026
There is a social contract governing the shared workplace kitchen. It is detailed, it is serious, and it has never been written down anywhere. You are expected to know it anyway. You do not know it.
Mar 13, 2026